I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
