I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Im part way to drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
