Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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