i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
