I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
