New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
