Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
