If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize