hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
