Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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