Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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