K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
