were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
