hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
