you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
