wrigley field is MILF paradise
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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