I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
