Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
