Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The Olympian is in my bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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