btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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