Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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