today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
