Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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