Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
