he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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