Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
