yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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