Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Found your dick twin last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
