No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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