my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
