i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
