i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
