I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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