Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
