is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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