Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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