I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
