Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
