ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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