Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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