I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
