i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
