They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
