I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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