you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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