We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
