You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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