i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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