New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Terrible idea I love it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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