I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
