WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
