We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
