its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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