after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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