Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
