I CAN MOONWALK!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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