I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
