uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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