Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
