My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
