Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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