Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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