You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF