the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm getting married
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.