I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.