I will die if light touches me.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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