Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost