I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.