i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?