well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
