I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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