So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
