that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
