hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
