yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
