i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
