how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
