Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
