To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
