she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
