Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
