The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
