I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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